Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
