I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize