i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
