You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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