i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
