I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
