Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
