1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it glows. i had to have it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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