u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dear god my vagina.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
