I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
