sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did i walk over a car last night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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