he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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