i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
