so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
