So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
