Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
