I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
