I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
