So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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