I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize