I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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