Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Someone shit on the floor
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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