You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
