it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
