Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
