Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
