that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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