I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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