That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
