i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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