Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
