I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
