So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
