Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
