dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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