I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
