hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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