Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
