Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
