So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
