Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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