If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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