Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
