If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
