yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
