Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
