About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
