I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
