Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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