There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
