i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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