There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
