Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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