If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
