You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
