so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
