it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize