I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
