you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize