how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
