So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
