well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
