Umm I'm too high to move.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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