i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
