this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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