Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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