It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
