I cockslap morals
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
