ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you will always have a special place in my vag
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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