Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
